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All this spectacular scenery to poop on.

All this spectacular scenery to poop on.

Poop anywhere, and leave toilet paper all over.  Streamers of T.P. are so attractive in their delicate minimalism, and when the rain transforms the paper to a white crust of papier maché it creates the alluring natural effect of a white barnacle on the pristine lava rocks.   It’s reassuring for anyone who passes along a path to find signs that someone else has been here first, so mark the way as safe with a turd and a big clump of T.P.!

Shower improperly at the pools.  To really raise some hackles, put your suit on before you go in the shower and run past the water.  Be careful to get a wee bit sprinkled but not get your hair wet.   Why waste all that fresh hair gel from yesterday? Why not go for more glares, and act all weirdly prudish trying to not look at the naked people!

Act like you own the place.  So what if birds nest here.  You, vs. birds?  Those birds, they can dig new tunnels to nest in, it’s so much more important for you to walk out there on the grass past the signs.  Erosion problems?  Pfft.  Obviously the path isn’t so eroded it can’t take just one more visitor.

Anyone behind a counter is here to serve you, so use a commanding voice, preferably loud, and demand to know where the bathrooms are, why the bus isn’t on time, and where’s the salad dressing.  Queues are for chumps.

Drop your litter everywhere.  There are hardly any public trash cans except for at gas stations, so of course that means you can throw your litter everywhere.  In the parking lots, into the waterfalls, and in the ditch anywhere you pull over.  It’s so windy in Iceland,  the wind will pick up all your trash and carry it to where it can hang up in some thorns or on a fence and dramatically improve someone else’s photos.

Cigarette butts don’t count as trash, so feel free to drop and stomp them into the rocks and rivers.  They slip so handily into the cracks in the porous lava rocks it’s almost as if they were meant to be, and they add a much needed contrast to the pure blacks and reds of the stones underfoot.  Butts in moss- now that’s fine art.

Nota bene:

The sundlaugs are minimally treated with chemicals, and that’s possible because everyone who uses them scrupulously cleans themselves.  That means showering like you’re at home, naked, soaping everywhere and shampooing hair.  Like you’re at home- that thoroughly. There are signs in every pool explaining the procedure in 5 languages.  Figure it out.

Take some responsibility! Collect your trash and wait for an appropriate place.

I think I’m going to have to write a rant about proper toilet paper use in the wild.  It’s a problem the world over, it seems.

Suspicious sheep are watching you.

Suspicious sheep are watching you.

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